Whether it's you that
has been involved in the International Churches of Christ (ICC) or someone you
know, here are some tips to consider for handling your situation with the
ICC.
Note:
this section is provided to stimulate thought and ideas. There are no
guarantees that any tip will be successful -- every situation is different, and
what works in one situation may not work in another.
Be a "Berean" (Acts 17:11). "Study out" the things you are
being taught. Remember that real truth has nothing to fear.
Ask your leaders
questions. Insist that the questions themselves be answered, rather than having
your integrity/spirituality questioned.
Consult outside
opinions and viewpoints about the ICC. Remember that “The first to present
his case seems right, till another comes forward and questions him.”
(Proverbs 18:17)
Ask yourself what
acceptable reasons there ever are to leave a church or organization. Then ask
yourself if these things are already happening in yours.
Learn to recognize
when someone is really saying, “the ends justify the means.”
If you are uncertain
about a Biblical issue, use a concordance to study that word through the entire
New Testament (e.g. “kingdom,” “fruit”). You may be
surprised what you find.
Listen to your inner voice.
Couldn’t it be God’s way of telling you something is wrong?
Realize that ICC leaders have reason
to keep you away from critical information about the group – and that
their reasons may not be in your best interest.
Read the Bible's book
of Galatians for a liberating study of grace.
Learn everything you
can about the ICC, and resolve to make an informed decision about it.
Don’t rush or allow yourself to be rushed to make a decision about
joining.
Realize that you are being recruited, and therefore are
being shown the most positive aspects of the group. Keep in mind that you may
not have the full picture of what life would be like as a member.
Read the hypothetical
ICC membership contract on this site (see The Fine
Print). Ask yourself if you would sign this contract.
Talk to former
members. If leaders don’t want you to talk to former members, realize that
there’s a reason for this.
Many members are
exhausted from lack of sleep and insufficient time for themselves. Get adequate
rest and eat right – this will help you to make clear decisions.
Call upon an old
friend or close family member, whose opinions you value, to help you through
the experience and to think through your options.
Realize that this is
one decision about which you can’t get objective advice from ICC members.
According to the ICC, there is no valid reason to leave it; therefore, any
likely advice from the group will revolve around staying.
If you decide to tell
the group why you are leaving, it may be best to pick one person and be brief
and direct with that person. Do not expect your reasons to meet the group's
approval. If you intend never to rejoin the group, making this clear now can
save you hassles later.
If you now believe
that you are part of an organization that used deception to attract you and
deception to keep you in, consider that you may not have any obligation to
disclose your reasons for leaving.
After making known
your intentions to leave, avoid any special meeting requested by the group
where you may be outnumbered by members or leaders and confronted about your
reasons for leaving. The purpose of meetings like this is not necessarily to
help you, but to keep you.
Realize that members
or leaders may not respect your decision to leave. Let people know if they are
violating acceptable boundaries. If your phone rings off the hook, consider
screening calls. If you feel you are being harassed, it may even be necessary
to tell a leader that “I will consider any further contact from the church
or its members to be harassment.” This may sound harsh, but it is
sometimes necessary.
Don’t be
surprised if your true reasons for leaving are later distorted by the group. If
people knew your real reasons, they might also leave.
Remember Romans 8:
38-39. Leaving the ICC is not “leaving God.”
Learn as much as you
can about your experience in the ICC, including its theological, ethical and
psychological aspects. This is the best thing you can do to help your long-term
recovery.
If you seek a non-ICC
church but can’t initially find one you feel comfortable in, this is
common. Don’t expect to find a church with all the good points of the ICC,
but none of its bad points. If you were “on the rebound” from a
romantic relationship, would this be a productive way to seek a significant
other: looking for someone identical to your “ex,” except with none
of his or her bad points?
Remember that there
are perhaps hundreds of thousands of people who have gone through something
similar to you and left. You are not as alone as you may feel.
There are support
groups in many major cities for
ex-cult and
ex-ICC
members. Find out if there’s one in your area, and consider attending
meetings or getting their literature to help your recovery.
Learn to identify
“triggers” – specific stimuli that bring you back
into the ICC “mind-set.” These events are similar to the
“flashbacks” suffered by former war veterans. Learn how to
desensitize these triggers and cope with
dissociative
states. Take heart that these events should happen less often over time.
If you continue to
read the Bible but fine you are “triggered” by reading the NIV (New
International Version) Bible translation, consider buying a different
translation.
If you fear running
into current members after you leave, keep in mind that members may be just as
scared of running into you. For them, seeing someone who’s no
longer involved – especially if you appear happy – may arouse their
own anxieties about leaving the group.
The ICC may have
taught you to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in life, keeping
you from blaming the ICC for things the group was actually responsible for.
Stop blaming yourself for everything.
Don’t shut off
your ability to feel or express anger, and don’t believe the ICC myth that
anger toward the ICC is always “bitterness.” Even Jesus got angry in
the Bible.
If you are interested
in reading thought-provoking fictional books about controlling, totalistic
environments, you might enjoy George Orwell’s Animal Farm or
1984. If you'd enjoy renting movies about characters dealing with
conflicting parallel realities, many former ICC members have found The
Truman Show and The Matrix to be thought-provoking.
When you really miss
the positive aspects of the ICC, remember that its positives and negatives are
intertwined: it’s difficult to have one without the other.
If you wish to help
others who are still involved in the ICC, remember that the first step is to
help yourself by learning as much as you can.
Don’t be overly
optimistic about persuading other members to leave. Remember how much time and
effort it takes to get someone into the ICC.
Don’t expect
overnight recovery.
Many former ICC
members have psychological issues to overcome in order to live healthy and
productive lives, and may need some help in overcoming phobias and self-doubt.
Seek out professional counseling if it will help – from a therapist who is
knowledgeable about cults.
If your ICC loved one
has not yet been baptized or has just been baptized in the last few days, act
quickly and decisively. You may have a small window of opportunity to impact
the situation.
If your loved one has
previously been baptized into the ICC, act cautiously. Since the ICC is not a
physically dangerous group, you have time to decide how to proceed. You
can’t afford to act rashly.
Get as many different
family members involved as you can. Having a loved one in a cult is not a time
to be ashamed, but a time to open yourselves to the help and support of others.
Do your homework so
you can act from an informed position. This will help you to make wise and
educated decisions about your situation.
Read everything you
can get your hands on about the ICC.
Read some more.
Don’t oppose or
ridicule your loved ones belief in Christianity. This only makes it easier for
the group to say you are “persecuting” you loved one.
You will probably be
invited to attend an ICC service. If you do so, remember that what you see at a
Sunday service is the “tip of the iceberg.” There is much more to
being an ICC member than you can witness at a Sunday service.
Speak to relatives of
other cult members if you have the opportunity. You are not alone.
Use the Internet as a
tool to get as much information about the ICC as possible.
Maintain a warm and
loving home. Avoid confrontation in the home – make your home a sanctuary
where your loved one can find rest and solace away from the group.
Work on your
relationship with your loved one. If the relationship strengthens instead of
weakening, you will be more able to help your loved one's situation. Store up
some “chips” of good will, for you to “cash in” later.
Remember that your
loved one is an autonomous adult (assuming he or she is at least 18). If you
threaten this autonomy, you risk creating resentment that can and will be
exploited by the group.
Realize that cults
are good at booby-trapping situations to put families in lose/lose scenarios.
Your instinctive reactions are the ones your loved one has been prepared most
to defend against. For example, don’t call the group a “cult”.
Realize that you
can’t simply “talk someone out of” a cult. Thought reform is not
a rational process.
Realize that there
are positive aspects to the group, which is partly why your loved one is still
involved. List a few positives to yourself to help better understand your loved
one's perspective.
Compliment the
positive changes you may see in your loved one without necessarily
complimenting the group.
Don't blame yourself
for your loved one's involvement in the ICC. Your loved one likely joined
because of things the ICC did (namely: recruitment), rather than something you
did or didn't do.
Don't blame your
loved one for joining the ICC. In joining, they made the best decision they
could with the information they had at the time. Given more information, they
may decide differently in the future.
Certainly don't
attribute your loved one's membership in the ICC to a lack of intelligence. If
your child is a member of the ICC, chances are they may be brighter or more
charismatic than their peers. The ICC looks for the brightest and the best.
Learn to see the ICC’s interest in your child as a compliment, albeit a
backhanded one.
Consider exit
counseling, which is still the most effective way of helping someone leave the
ICC in the short term. (It can also be expensive). Interview prospective exit
counselors carefully, as if your loved one’s life depended on it. Find one
with high
ethical standards. Don’t hire a deprogrammer.
If your significant
other is a member of the ICC, realize that they may want you to join more than
anything else in the world.
Don't join, yourself,
in order to preserve your relationship. The ICC has the power to end that
relationship.
If you are married,
remember that nothing is off-limits" to ICC discipling: any discussion you have
with your spouse might be relayed to your spouse's discipler.
Realize that the ICCs
"we've never had a divorce" claims are propaganda. ICC leaders have actually in
some cases advised that members divorce their non-ICC spouses. Be careful.
If the ICC advises
your spouse to divorce you and there has been no adultery in your relationship,
confront him or her with I Corinthians 7: 12-13. Ask why ICC leadership does
not apply this verse to your situation.
Always express
unconditional friendship: it goes a long way to someone on a steady diet of
conditional love.
Contact their parents
if you know them. They may not realize what their son or daughter is involved
in. In their shoes, wouldn’t you want to know?
If they have joined
recently, there is a chance that they may be willing to read outside material
about the group. The longer they have been in the group, the smaller this
chance becomes.
If you chose to
intervene by sharing information with your friend, try to share as much as
possible at one time and point them to other resources for even more
information. Don’t overestimate the effectiveness of a few critical
articles about the ICC – your friend was indoctrinated over a course of
hours, days and weeks, and a few informational articles may not carry a lot of
weight on their own. Express your concern for your friend and gain a commitment
that they will consider the material and tell you if -- or when -- it raises
any concerns for them about the group.
If you met them by
being recruited, expect that the friendship will cease or become more distant
if you decide not to join.
Be there for them
when they leave. They’ve probably never needed you more.
Chances are that
you’ve got a good story on your hands. Listen to your instincts.
Listen to former
members to see what they think “the story” is. Don’t just impose
your view of what the story is.
As part of your
research, read other media stories already written about the ICC.
If ICC attorneys
contact you or ask to see your story before it runs, don't feel intimidated --
this is common practice by the organization's legal machine.
Don't sensationalize,
report. There is plenty of natural drama to this story without creating more.
If your report calls
the ICC a cult, don't forget to define for your audience what a cult is.
Don’t just
create a story that’s persuasive to the general public, create a story
that would make current members think twice about their involvement: impress
your toughest audience.
Dig deeper.
If you have
opportunity to interview ICC leaders, ask the tough questions. For example, ask
if there are “saved” individuals outside the International Churches
of Christ. If the leader says “yes”, ask the leader to name
one. If the leader can’t, ask why not. Probe for a good answer.
Recognize that cults
are a vast problem, and thus an opportunity for you to serve. You may be
surprised how many people in your fellowship have already faced this problem.
Listen to what the
experts outside your field have to say about the ICC. Avoid
myths about cults common among clergy.
Learn what the ICC
teaches. If you are going to discuss theology with a member, you not only need
to know the
Bible, but
also to know the ICC’s interpretation of the Bible.
Quote from the Bible,
when applicable. ICC members claim to hold it as their “standard”.
They expect you to use it.
Remember that as a
denominational minister, you may be the person in the world who has the
least credibility in ICC members' eyes. Earn their respect.
Don’t emphasize
your particular denominational agenda with current ICC members. Keep in mind
that the ICC views denominations – including yours – as
“lost”.
Realize that ICC
membership has profound ethical and psychosocial consequences, without even
considering spiritual ones. Don’t discourage psychological counseling.
Don't misdirect your
efforts toward discovering faults that may have caused your client to join.
Your time is probably best spent helping your client to recover from deception
and abuse. In other words, don’t blame the victim.
Don’t blame
religion in general. Your client has been through an experience far different
from most religions.
Don’t discourage
former members from reading the Bible, but do educate them about
“triggers.”
Don’t give too
much credence to
cult
apologists (academics who defend cults or say they don’t exist). Most
have never been a member of one.
